well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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