I wish my penis had an off switch
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
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