Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
