Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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