Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize