at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
