you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
