weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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