the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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