Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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