Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
MIDGETS
????
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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