please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize