I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
The Olympian is in my bed
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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