I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
