Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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