I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
