Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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