I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
