nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
