the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
