You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Randomize
