when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
