All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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