just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Randomize
