I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
