U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
