I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
this just has baby written all over it
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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