Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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