my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
