We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
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One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
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This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.