Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
