True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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