If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
