Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
