your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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