how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
