so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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