If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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