I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
