It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
