She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
