im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
