I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
