It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
