school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
