the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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