i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
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He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
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I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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