Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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