I am in a vortex of obligation.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Randomize
