my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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