I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
