I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
