If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Randomize
