dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
