You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
