so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
