Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
