May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
