the new term for farting is butt boxing.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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